Love, Compassion and Grief

   

     
Love means pure feelings to each other. I was 17years old. After 12th I was preparing to move to graduation. I went to college for admission.On the very first day, there was much crowd therefore I was just roaming in the campus.I was very happy about the glamorous atmosphere of the college as well as very excited to know about the faculty in the college. On that day I couldn't submit my admission form.
      I went very early on the next day to submit admission form to fix my admission in the college. When I was submitting my form in admission Windows, I saw right exactly in the opposite Windows there was a girl. She was very beautiful,charming and looking innocent. She was also doing the same. I was staring at her, for a moment I forgot myself and my admission. Fortunately she looked at me and realized that I am looking at her. We both submitted our forms. Instantly I left my windows and went to her side to see her. I was looking for her everywhere but she was no where. She was behind one of tree and from there was looking at me and my anxiety.
      After some days our lecture started. I was very happy and excited to see her on the very first day of my college. Fortunately I saw her in the college gate and follow her till the lecture hall. She entered into the hall and I too. I was staring at her and occasionally she was too. She had been realized that I am looking at her, I like her.
       Our story began in the lecture hall. We both were not hearing the lecture. What's going on in the hall we were completely unaware about it. After lecture there was recess we all came out. She was among her friends and I with my friends following them. Wow! what a smile it was! I was fond of her smile and her boldness.
       I thought,She was awaiting when I would propose her But I couldn't because it was my first
love. I hadn't any experience so I couldn't dare to propose her. We were just looking at each other for some months and nothing else. There was a big question who will start communication. Year passed but we couldn't dare to talk with each other. I was scared because if she said "no" then what?
       I was totally confused. In the second year my love story took strange turn. My close friend once asked me "yaar guys please help me. I love that girl very much and want to propose her." It was not his mistake because he was completely unaware about my emotional attachment with her.
I said, "Why don't you propose her?"
He said,that exactly I want to discuss  with you.
How to propose her?
        We planned together in my room. He wrote four pages
love letter to propose her. Whatever he wanted to say that all he had written in that letter. On the very last day of the first semester, he gave that letter to her and Said,read it at home.She accepted it and went through it and returned it on the very next day.
She said,"Sorry friend, you are wrong. Whatever you considered me I am not that type of girl."

After that incident, I  realized that if  I had proposed her I would have lost a good friend. So I couldn't dare.
With the passage of time,she became my best friend. She started sharing her personal issues with me. I was encouraging and supporting her.
      Once she missed her bus and after that there was no bus to go to her village. I went to drop her on my bike. During that journey I felt, she wouldn't reject me if I proposed her. I decided to tell her about my
love meanwhile she told me her tragic family matter. It was very shocking. She said, I have no brother. My mother couldn't beget baby boy so her father was always quarreling with her mother and remarried another woman. She cried a lot while sharing with me and I too and the feelings of my propose dissolved with tears.

   It was the last year. Exams over and we separated for further education in different cities. That time we had no cell phone because it was very rare. We couldn't contact each other. It was my true love so whole universe was trying to help me to reunite. What a coincidence it was! One day we met at one of the bus stop. We shared some personal and about educational issues and shared each other cell numbers.

We were talking a lot over cell phone but couldn't talk about feelings of
love though there was great attraction of each others. After some months she sent her wedding card and insisted to attend the marriage ceremony. I was speechless because it was shocking to me. After that we were disconnected for some years. One day she searched me on Facebook and sent me a friend request. I accepted it because I was very hungry to talk to her after so many years. Again we started talking with each other.
  But the thoughts of propose are still in my Psyche. After her marriage I wanted to propose because I wanted to escape from that Psyche to get relief from it.
  I did so.......
I proposed her and her reply was an eye opening
She said, " Dear time has gone."